His songs rock!
Monday, March 3, 2008
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Jokes
Two eggs are in a frying pan and one says “Man it’s hot in here.”
The other one says “Holy s*** a talking egg!”
Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami.
They had been meeting at that park every sunny day for over 12 years...
chatting, and enjoying each other''s friendship.
One day, the younger of the two ladies, turns to the other and says, "Please don't
be angry with me, dear, but I am embarrassed, after all these years. . .
What is your name? I am trying to remember,
but I just can't."
The older friend stares at her, looking very distressed, says nothing for two
full minutes, and finally with tearful eyes, says, "How soon do you have to know?"
A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children
walked up to her and said, "Mummy, why is my name Petal?"
The mother replied, "Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head."
The next baby walked up and asked, "Mummy why is my name Rose?" she replied,
"Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head."
The last baby walked up to her and said, "BLAS CLAFLAS YIFRASSAM TASSM
POONNFFFIINRTY."
The mother replied, "Please be quiet, Refrigerator."
A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a
school teacher with a chain saw."
From out in the audience a man shouts, "You lying ^$!@#$%!"
"Silence in the court!" the judge shouted back. He turns to the defendant again
and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."
"You goddamned tightwad!" blurted the spectator.
"Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an
electric drill."
"You cheap son of a..." the man starts to shout.
The Judge thunders back, "If you don''t tell me the reason for your outbursts
right now, I will hold in contempt!"
"I''ve lived next to that lying %#@!$@# for ten years now, but do
you think he ever had a goddamned tool when I needed to borrow one!"
A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.
"I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can
never reach me."
Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"
Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I
put a mailbox in my car."
Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?"
Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."
Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?"
Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code
keeps changing."
What do you call a smart blonde?
A Golden Retriever.
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor
peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to,
he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up,
"and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a
goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied,
"That's because he's inside your stupid cat."
The other one says “Holy s*** a talking egg!”
Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami.
They had been meeting at that park every sunny day for over 12 years...
chatting, and enjoying each other''s friendship.
One day, the younger of the two ladies, turns to the other and says, "Please don't
be angry with me, dear, but I am embarrassed, after all these years. . .
What is your name? I am trying to remember,
but I just can't."
The older friend stares at her, looking very distressed, says nothing for two
full minutes, and finally with tearful eyes, says, "How soon do you have to know?"
A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children
walked up to her and said, "Mummy, why is my name Petal?"
The mother replied, "Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head."
The next baby walked up and asked, "Mummy why is my name Rose?" she replied,
"Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head."
The last baby walked up to her and said, "BLAS CLAFLAS YIFRASSAM TASSM
POONNFFFIINRTY."
The mother replied, "Please be quiet, Refrigerator."
A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a
school teacher with a chain saw."
From out in the audience a man shouts, "You lying ^$!@#$%!"
"Silence in the court!" the judge shouted back. He turns to the defendant again
and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."
"You goddamned tightwad!" blurted the spectator.
"Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an
electric drill."
"You cheap son of a..." the man starts to shout.
The Judge thunders back, "If you don''t tell me the reason for your outbursts
right now, I will hold in contempt!"
"I''ve lived next to that lying %#@!$@# for ten years now, but do
you think he ever had a goddamned tool when I needed to borrow one!"
A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.
"I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can
never reach me."
Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"
Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I
put a mailbox in my car."
Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?"
Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."
Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?"
Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code
keeps changing."
What do you call a smart blonde?
A Golden Retriever.
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor
peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to,
he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up,
"and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a
goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied,
"That's because he's inside your stupid cat."
Friday, February 1, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Friday, January 11, 2008
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